hello......... i truly have nothing to say maybe one of these days i'll feel more complex , maybe i am scared of contradicion because earlier today it felt like every thought i had was impulsive and intrusive and contradicted my 'self, i feel this often but it passes and then i get like this hmmmm hm h hm hm hm hi

9.14.25 so many people iknow have tried to kill themselves.. i talk with them and we understand each other, i feel, but i'm weird about intamacy and they often are as well so it just seems so dreary. i'm embarrassed to have talked openly about suicide. it's contradictory,,,ikeep thinking it over, i'm goingto become an adult and then we'll see how it is. there's so much, it's so overwhelming and underwhelming at the same, time, it's sort of compromising. no process, progression makes it hard to feel certain on anything. i should be writing in a physical journal, but i'm not. so much. and i don't even know. maybe it'll feel less like this as i age, maybe it won't seem like so much anymore